Past, present and future.

Every time that I go back to Italy I plan to do a thousand things and then I can't even do half of them. I always have very busy days, spinning around from one place to another and sleeping just a few hours a day. But this is how I can fully live the experiences of the journey and I get excited in every moment.

This is the fourth time I have returned since I moved. Mostly I do it to see my family and friends again, but it's also a way to recharge my energy. Now I am in a time of further changes. Going back allows me in some way to confront myself, to become aware of the situation. To go back to the past for a moment in order to give direction to the future again.

The week I spent in Italy last month was intense. There are many people I like to see again and it is not easy to dedicate to everyone the time I want. And if it comes to my grandchildren, I would never want to say goodbye to them. I am always afraid that the distance could somehow influence the memory they have of me. What if they forget me? What if they don't love me anymore? Sometimes I feel guilty to have left because I miss some of their most important moments. But then when they see me again and throw their arms around my neck, hugging me and telling me all their adventures, I understand from their eyes that this special bond will not break just because of the distance. Even when I picked up little Enoc, whom I only saw twice since he was born nine months ago, I felt the strength of the aunt-nephew bond. I don't regret the choice I made. I did it for myself and now I am also starting to see the benefits. Being temporarily away from the children is a sacrifice I have to make for now, but they will never ever lack my deepest affection, all my support and my presence always. I know they know this and they bless me with their unconditional love every time I hear or see them.

This time it was also very exciting to return to the church in Verona. After two years of pandemic, I could attend the meetings and finally see everyone once again. I also had the opportunity to share my testimony in the sacramental meeting and it was really beautiful. From the pulpit I could see many of the people who have been with me since I was born and I had tears in my eyes as I shared my deep affection for them. Even if in the Church we are like a big family in any part of the world, Verona will always be my ward and no one will ever take the place of these special people. I said hello to many of them, I hugged, I shook hands and exchanged a few words. I felt alive. And much loved.

I said that returning to Italy allows me to confront with my past. I loved my old life and I love all the people I used to go out with. If I left it was not to "escape" but rather to "reach out to". And it was not for love or for work or for anything else from the outside. It was only to find myself. For this reason, every time I come back I am anxious to be able to see as many people as possible. Among these there are family members, there are friends and then there are them...my former work colleagues! I worked 13 years first as a secretary and then as a commercial employee in a company in the engineering sector near my home and I have not always been well. But in recent years I had become more confident and also good at what I did, and above all I had the opportunity to build friendship with many of my colleagues. It was important for me to leave while maintaining good relations. And every time I come back I try to pass by my old office to say hello, chat, laugh and remember the old days! And these are beautiful moments. I realize how much I have grown and I am grateful for all that this work has given me over the years and also for all the difficulties I had to face, because they made me stronger. At the same time they made me realize that I needed something else, something that was more stimulating, more creative and better suited to my personality.

The right job for me is a thought that I had in my head for a while. I feel that I am getting closer but also that I still have some way to go. During this trip I was able to realize how some situations have changed in recent months within my family. So I also remembered some old dreams that I had temporarily locked away in a drawer, but which in reality I have never forgotten. It is a strange thing to describe. I can only say that I had some sensations and intuitions about the future that today are almost nothing more than a quick thought, but that tomorrow, who knows what they could turn into?

The last evening before going back, I managed to organize a small dinner with my family and some of my closest friends. We did it on the terrace of the house that once belonged to my paternal grandparents, which passed on to my father a few months ago. It was truly the perfect ending of these beautiful days spent together. I feel that our lives are moving on and if God wills and with his blessing, each of us will slowly find the right path towards our own personal fulfillment. I am grateful to all the people I have met throughout my life. And returning to my places of origin reminds me how lucky I was because many of them are still by my side.

Today I'm trying to finish this article sitting in the Moroccan tea house restaurant "Almedina Baraka" which is one of my favorites in the city, at the foot of the Alcazaba monument. Here they make the best arabian sweets in Almería and the atmosphere in these last days of spring is truly relaxing. I hope to be able to take here some friends, if someone will be able to come and visit me this summer. I think how lucky I am to be able to be here and to have started making my dreams come true. In the next post I will write about the new job that I officially started today, in which I will try to put my skills as a pastry chef to good use. In the meantime, I stay here meditating on the days to come and lingering a few more minutes on the good vibes that I finally feel about the future, as I haven't had since the pandemic started. I review in my mind all the dreams and goals I would like to achieve, repeating to myself that nothing is impossible with a lot of hard work and a positive attitude.

In conclusion, I feel I have to thank my parents, my family and all the people who supported me in my choices even when they did not understand the reasons. It was not easy for me but I am sure that the tangible fruits will be seen very soon. I feel I have changed and in some ways I am a little better. I have a long way to go but at least I have regained some of the confidence I had lost. All things fall into place at the right time.