When I can't sleep at night

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like sleeping. People use to look at me strangely when I say it, but when I sleep I really get bored. That's why I usually never spent much time in bed, not even when I was a teenager. The only time I was happy to stay warm under the blankets was when I had to get up to go to work!

But if I have to analyze it well, probably this comes from the fact that sleeping is a very difficult thing for me and let's say it, perhaps becoming older is making it even more complicated. For example, to fall asleep I need the right conditions. Complete darkness gives me a sense of claustrophobia so there must always be some natural light but not too much, absolute silence or at most the noise of the city in the distance, the right position, the blanket on my belly, no air, the right pillow...and then if my brain starts thinking and does not stop, how can I do it?

It happens to me quite often that of thinking, thinking, thinking so much that I can't sleep and these thoughts can be of many different nature. Sometimes they are just thoughts, other times it's because I'm worried or I have some problems but the fact is that this won't let me sleep, no matter how tired I may be.

Well, would you like to know what are these thoughts that have been keeping me awake lately? Well, it's very simple: cakes. Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, cakes. This is how, as soon as I put my head on the pillow, that part of my brain starts making plans about the next cake and wants to think in that exact moment about how to elaborate the idea of the cake I have for my Instagram channel, or for a friend's birthday or for some other occasion. And so, goodbye sleep. Because the thoughts I do at this time are usually also the most profitable.

The initial project...

Last Saturday I made the biggest cake of my career as an amateur pastry chef, on the occasion of a church friend's baby shower here in Almeria. Initially it was supposed to be a normal-sized round tier cake, but as the number of guests increased, it turned into a three-tier cake for 40 people (and maybe even a little more). Worried of having embarked on such an ambitious project for my very limited resources (economical but also in terms of available equipment), I started working on the project almost a month earlier. Perhaps this is why my brain has become obsessed with this thought of cakes, so much so that it doesn't even want to rest with a little REM phase.

This is how my search for the best recipe, best ingredients and the most suitable flavor combinations has started. I've seen tons of video tutorials on YouTube, sifted through pages and pages on Instagram, made shopping lists, and checked various shops in the area to find the cheapest deals. It was a long job, also because I was doing it for the first time, but I admit it was truly an exciting journey. In the end I decided to make a rectangular three-layer chocolate cake, decorated with vanilla buttercream, raspberry jam and finished with a white chocolate ganache and decorated with meringues and macarons. A very scary and impressive project for me because of my lack of experience, but which gave me the possibility to learn a lot of things during its realization.

The six cakes ready for the freezer

First I cooked the six (yes, you understood correctly..) chocolate cakes well in advance, which I then kept in the freezer wrapped in plastic film. Then a week and a half earlier I made the buttercream. About 2 kg and a half that I kept in the refrigerator. I had some difficulties with macarons which is well known, they are very difficult to make. In fact out of 20, about only six or seven came well but they were enough for decoration. The rest were ugly but they were good so I ate them! But I had the biggest problem with the meringues. It wasn't the first time I made them, but I was stubborn with a recipe that kept giving me problems in cooking. So I turned to Saint Csaba Dalla Zorza and her infallible recipe and I was able to bake three trays of meringues of different sizes, shapes and colors! They turned out amazing! You can imagine the amounts of sugars I ate last week while doing all these attempts at preparation, now I will need some days of diet!

The day of the party arrived quickly. In the morning I got up early to finally assemble the cake that I had imagined making so many times before I could fall asleep. It wasn't easy. It was the first time I worked with buttercream and luckily I had the foresight to buy fresh raspberries to add to the filling, because it all looked very, very sweet. I also added bitter cocoa to the cream of one of the layers and decided to replace the white chocolate ganache with a dark chocolate one and I think I did the right thing.

After the composition of the layers, the cake was 15 cm high and I believe it reached almost 10 kg in weight. While I sealed it with the last bit of buttercream left, praying it was enough, I kept wondering if the people would have liked it. After the final decoration, I covered it with a few layers of plastic film and placed it on a shelf of the fridge that I had prepared especially for the cake. It was huge, but I felt so satisfied that I couldn't stop looking at it… (and noticing all the many imperfection I could found).

To take her to the church, where the party was to take place, a friend came to pick me up with the car, and while I was carrying the cake with a lot of pain in my arms, she would open and close all the doors for me.

The evening went very well. We had decorated the chapel in pink with balloons and other things made by us and then we placed the cake in the center of the table which helped giving everything a special touch.

People looked at it, took pictures and asked me questions, but I noticed that they were all a little intimidated by its size. Also because in the end many of the guests had not come and I realized that maybe due to my worries I had exaggerated. I was confident that it would be good but I was also doubtful, because it is not like in Verona where everyone knows me, here there were many people I had never seen and I set out to be able to conquer them. So I was hoping not to have done something that in the end could result just exhibitionistic...

After a small refreshment in the courtyard, it was time to cut the cake. No one was paying attention to it and people were also already full from the salty food and many other good treats that the sisters had prepared. I cut the first slices alone; while I was placing them on some plates leaving them on the table, no one looked at me except two of the girls who had helped with the decorations in the afternoon and who were curious. Some of the slices were also badly cut because by now the cake was no longer cold and due to the weight of the layers it was starting to be a bit unstable in some places. The two girls and I were the first to taste it...and it was as good as I imagined. But I looked at that huge cake from which I had cut only four slices and I wondered what I would do with so many possible leftovers...

But, incredible but true, that problem didn't arise. Little by little, people started getting intrigued by the cake and the more people tried it, the more people approached. Many asked me if they could take some pieces home for their families. And so I started cutting slices to eat and also portions to take away as people came and asked me questions and complimented me. Someone wrote down my name to look for me on social media and I made myself some advertisement. Those who initially thought that such a big cake could be too hard or heavy to eat, had to chenge their mind! The dough was still very soft and moist, the buttercream with chocolate and raspberries gave it a super greedy flavour and my meringues made a big success. By the end of the party the cake was over and I felt I had achieved my goal!

I know it's a very long post just to talk about a cake, but during this month that I spent planning it it I realized once again how happy this thing makes me. And it is inevitable that at the same time the people who eat what I cook will feel this happiness too. As a sister remembered me last night, if you cook with love and happiness, not only the food will turn out well but people will feel it and this is the thing I love the most about this "job".

Who knows what the next step will be or what project will keep my brain busy at night, but I am beginning to believe more and more firmly that this is the right path to take. Now I will give myself a night of good sleep but tomorrow I will start again with new ideas!